The Heart of the Author

I love to read.  I am reading all the time, and usually have several books going at once.

My husband likes to read, too.  Sometimes we joke because he reads “slower” than me, and I finish books quickly.  

I used to, in the quiet of my heart, be kind of proud of this.  Ouch.  

But then, I discovered that when he reads, he remembers everything.  Seriously.  The man is a sponge.  He takes in the overarching, big picture message the writer is trying to communicate.  When you ask me what I read, I remember a lot of details, but not necessarily the author's central point and reason for writing.  

We were talking the other day about some friends of ours who are not followers of Christ.  I was noticing how similar we are to them.  I was troubled by it.  Actually, I think the woman in this pair does WAY more good works than me.  In truth, she is more sincere about being good than I am.  I was troubled by this, and asking my husband, “What makes us really different?  We look so much the same!  Shouldn’t we look obviously different?”

He just looked at me for a minute, seemingly puzzled by my mounting distress.  Then he said, “Honey, they are really good people.  But being a good person doesn’t get you into heaven.  We believe in Jesus as our Savior, and they don’t.”  

I love this man.  

I have spent way more time in my Bible, studying and praying and writing than he has.  But I had missed the heart of the Author.   

“Where is the wise man?  Where is the scholar?  Where is the philosopher of this age?  Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?... Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to the Gentiles...For the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom, and wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength.”  1 Corinthians 1:20, 22-23

Appearances are deceiving.  Only God knows the heart.  My heart is new, and not because of anything I have done.  It is different because of what He did for me.  

“This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe.  There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came by Jesus Christ...For we maintain that a man is justified by faith apart from observing the law.”  Romans 3:22-24, 28

I could not earn it then, and I cannot earn it now.     

My works done in my human energy and with the motivation to “look different” on my own are like filthy rags to Him.  They are wasted energy.   

He just wants me to love Him, and let Him love me.  That’s where being able to love other people... really love them... begins.  

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’  Matthew 22:37-38

The ‘being different’ will happen as a matter of course, as the abundance of His love overflows.  Day by day, piece by piece.  I can’t explain this, and I can’t predict how it will look.  But, I can humble myself by laying down my picture of how things are supposed to look, in deference to His, which is always, always better.  And I can honor Him by resting in this Truth.   

“Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His Power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!  Amen.”  Ephesians 3:20-21

A relationship, not a to-do list.  

A Guide, not a map.    

Do It Again!

"Because children have abounding vitality, because they are in spirit fierce and free, therefore they want things repeated and unchanged.  They always says, “Do it again!” and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly dead.  

For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. 

But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony.  It is possible that God says every morning, “Do it again!” to the sun, and every evening, “Do it again!” to the moon. 

It may not be automatic necessity that makes all the daisies alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them.  

It may be that He has an eternal appetite for infancy...

for we have sinned and grown old 

and our father is younger than we. "

GK Chesterton

I thought this was a great quote to share, because truthfully I've been an old, ungrateful, cranky, adult frump today.   

Yes, I can truly say that all those adjectives apply.  

Cranky with laughing children, fussing at them for not saying things "right" or asking me "too many questions".   Cranky with a barking dog who doesn't ask for much.....she just wants me to throw the ball...a million times please.  Cranky with the daily mundane of dishes and laundry and dishes and toilets and a dirty, cluttered car and did I mention dishes?  

My eyes took more notice in what was wrong than what was right.  My heart meditated on all my "problems".  

As I stood in the kitchen tonight preparing dinner, I felt the burden of this very long day finally begin to melt.  The absolute miracle of this was very evident to me in that moment, because I literally spent an entire day sputtering out teeth-gritting prayers for help and a change of mind and heart and eyes to see... while I simultaneously bit back a flood of angry, bitter words.  

I could hold back the words.  It was not easy, but I could do it.  But I cannot change the heart from whence they come.  I am powerless to do this.  But He is not.  Not only that, but He is willing.  And He is able.  

I could feel it right then, the kindness of that drastic change from burdening heaviness to trusting lightness.  It was so drastic that it left any doubt that I had done it.  

He could have just yelled at me for being ungrateful.  But He didn't.  He could have just forgiven me, but then left me there to rot in the misery of the attitude I had chosen.  But He didn't.   

And I realized.  It's all a gift.  It really is all a gift.  The fact that His goal is always love, always to restore.  It's never to win, never to "be right".  The fact that because of that love- a love that He gave and continues to give because He wants to- I can recover from a day like today, be forgiven, and begin again.  

 

"Do it again!"  I beg.  And He does.  He delights in my turning, and pours out His healing grace on my self-inflicted wounds.     

Previously frumpy, cranky adult signing out.  

Wise Words

We were cleaning out cabinets, and found one of my favorite books that I thought I had lost.  A friend sent me "The Pursuit of God" by A.W. Tozer back in 2007.  If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it.  It's one of those you go back to over and over.

I love this line written about Tozer's legacy (I don't know who wrote it):  "Quietness of the soul, the fruit of truly seeking God, is seldom found in twentieth-century Christians.  Far too many have come to accept turbulence of soul as the norm and have ceased to seek God with their whole hearts."

I think we all do this.  We think that this fast-pace is "just the way it is", so we surrender to it.  We do not realize the cost of such thinking, and what it robs from us.  It's the way everyone else does it, and it's the cultural norm to do all you possibly can, to work harder, longer.  It's rewarded and encouraged.

But it's also exhausting.  It drains us and steals our lives.

As God has called our family to a slower pace of living in our current season, I often struggle against this, wondering if we are "doing enough".  

Our time is a gift from God.  Every minute, every second is from Him.  He expects us to be stewards of this gift with purpose and intention.  The only way we can know how to best steward the time He gives us is to ask Him.  He really wants us to know!  In this world, especially in the dizzying busyness and noise of our American culture, it is like we are out in the wilderness, trying aimlessly to find our way through.  Things come at us so fast we are just trying to keep up.

God knows the way through the wilderness.  He can see things we can't.  Things are not as they seem.  We do not realize that the only way to really "work smarter" is to let Him lead.  

I think part of the reason we do this- at least I know this is true for me- is that we are afraid of what He will ask us to do.


We must move past this faulty thinking.

We must trust what God's Word says- that He created us in love, that He saved us because He wanted to.  He knows the best, most fulfilling life for us.  It's like we're a hammer trying to be a wrench.  We are created for God's glory, not our own.  But here is the thing about this truth that I often forget- if we were created for God's glory, and it's the way we were designed to live by our Creator, of course it is where we will find the most fulfillment.  We are created to love Him and be loved by Him.  He has so much He wants to give us!

I know that for many years I thought going this route would make my life less fun.  I had, and still have at times,  a condition one of my friends calls ATMS:  Afraid to Miss Something.  What I am learning is that although there are many "good" ways to spend my time- ways that look really good- God has a "best" way for each day and each season.  And His ways are much less tiring!  Do you know how awesome it is to focus on one thing at a time?  Who knew?    
        
"Perhaps the continued usefulness of this book (The Pursuit of God) can be attributed to the writer's discovery that to seek God does not narrow one's life, but brings it, rather, to it's highest possible fulfillment." 


I have found this statement to be true.  Each day I have remind myself that God loves me and wants the best for me.  He wants that for you, too.  Trust that He knows the way and wants to show you.  He yearns for us to walk our days with Him, covered by His love and led by His Spirit.      

Just Like Heaven

Did you know that we will work in heaven?  Don't worry- it's not what you think.

First of all, we will not sit around on clouds with little cherub angels playing harps.  (Who came up with that, anyway?  Somebody was SO not paying attention when that crazy notion slipped through.)

The Bible says that on the new earth, we will rule and reign with Christ.  It says that He has given us gifts to be used for His praise and glory.  We already have some of those gifts, and we can even use and strengthen them here on earth.  We use them here because they show people who He is.  But, we will also use them in heaven.  So basically, the cool part is that, in heaven, you get to work doing stuff you really like!  And, by the way, angels are really big, strong and powerful warriors.

Since we have started homeschooling using the Charlotte Mason "philosophy" (it's so much more than that), I have been amazed at how much I have learned.  I mean, hello.  I am teaching a first grader and a four year old.  What am I learning?   

Well, for one thing I am trying my hand at gardening.  Gerri (my lovely stepmom) and Nick (my awesome brother) came out and set up 4 box gardens for us a few weeks ago, and we planted tomatoes, green beans, spinach, and potatoes.  Today we planted some strawberries, and here we are planting some bulbs in the front garden.

This would not be a big deal if I had ever in my entire life gardened.  Or  even managed to keep a potted plant alive for more than a week- which by the way I have not been able to do.  Before we began homeschooling, I had never read excellent literature, enjoyed poems, gotten to know composers and their music, had any understanding of history as a whole and why it matters that we learn about it, taken a nature walk, watched butterflies come out of their chrysalid, sewed, learned hymns, tried drawing and painting, read Shakespeare, and many other things!

It's almost like I wasn't really living.  

When I felt God nudging me last summer to go to full-time homeschool, I did not expect this.  I did not expect all the laughter and joy, the refreshing effect of surrounding ourselves with beautiful things.

I did not expect what it would begin to do in my heart.   I was pretty sure it would be great for the kids.  But, as is like Him and His ways- it has also been amazing for me.

I feel like I am waking up from a long sleep.

I've been so busy...doing, doing, doing.  Finishing the list.  Getting it done.  Making the next list.  Getting another piece of paper to continue the list.  Getting to the weekend.  Figuring out what to go and accomplish next.

Why?  Why am I really here, anyway?

Jesus says I am here to love Him and to love other people.  I ask Him every day to make my heart yearn for what His yearns for.  I am far, far away from this!  But this time at home with the girls...it's a beginning of something I did not even know was there.  Living.  Really, really living.  Enjoying and being grateful for each day.

Hearing the birds sing.

Noticing when new flowers bloom.

Crying when something is sad.

Taking a nap when I need to rest, and leaving the dishes in the sink.

Listening to my daughters' stories about their dolls and the latest game they made up to play with their stuffed animals.

Really listening to a friend share their pain.

Laughing long and hard.

Taking time to be silly.

Praying.  Sitting with Him.  Just because I can.

This time will pass.  I pray I will live fully here.  I pray that I will live fully in whatever season is next.  I pray that I, like Jesus and by His power, will live fully, and most importantly, love well.